I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
