the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
