I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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