just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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