OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
