peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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