Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
