I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
