i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
