WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
