Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize