Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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