Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
