shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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