Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
