Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
