even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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