that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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