there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
