Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
