I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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