Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
