i jhust puked up my retainher.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
