ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
