Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
