I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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