i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
