i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
