i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
