so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
