i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
