The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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