So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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