And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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