you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
