So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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