Are we in a gay sports bar?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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