Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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