She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
