Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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