That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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