you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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