cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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