So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
