You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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