What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize