She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
