also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
