i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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