my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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