So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize