i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
