if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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