a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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