Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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