he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
