you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
