Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
