we have pet lesbian snakes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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