come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
