Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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