Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we should paint friendship bongs
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