its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
