No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
