i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
