I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
