Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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