Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
